“I still like it, although it now reads a bit less personal to me. Maybe the puffy fluffy is you?” How is that for a comment under my last week’s attempt when I cut thirty words from my story? Joey knows.
If you think about it, and I am, isn’t this what puffy fluffy is? What separates one from the other?
After I cut my thirty words and edited my story a bit last week, I felt better because there were parts where I made my point clearer, such as the part which the workshop’s host Tanya mentioned in her comment:
“I start and know it: this will be the best cut. There is no other way.” became “I start, knowing: this will be the best cut. It’s the only option.” I prefer the second take because this is what I wished to say in the first place.
In some other places I was sad to see my words go. My lovely puffy fluffy excessive words.
When I asked Joey if I may quote her, she replied: “I would be glad to be quoted, as ‘voice’ is what we come to know here. Cleaned up, it may read better to strangers, but not to those who know your authentic voice.”
And that’s why you have authentic smart friends. Thank you, Joey. Comment of the year.
So is this the real dilemma here? Are we learning how to write for strangers to the detriment of our authenticity? Or is there a middle road?
For the third week of the Writer’s Workshop at Go Dog Go Café, my first ever, we are to “create an opening sentence for your response that utilizes some form of but-construction. You don’t need the word ‘but,’ but you do need to create tension.”
Okay, I settled on “yet”. This is my new introductory sentence:
“All it takes is to press slightly with a partially extended finger. And yet it wasn’t always this way.”
The rest of my type-writing story remains the same. Read the original, “fluffy” story here and the amended -10% version here, and see which you prefer. I’d love to know about it, especially from those who know me by now.
In the photo part, twenty photos of beasties from around here and from Rome which feels ages away these days. Faraway, so close.
All photos were taken exactly a year ago, in March 2019, but had to keep out when I did my official March post for my Calendar 2019. They were all crying so much that I had to make a special post with them. Some are in hiding, as you will see, but all are happy to see you. And so am I.