Writer's Workshop, Week 3 + Animal March 2019

• Manja Maksimovič

“I still like it, although it now reads a bit less personal to me. Maybe the puffy fluffy is you?” How is that for a comment under my last week’s attempt when I cut thirty words from my story? Joey knows.

.

A

n

i

m

a

l

.

M

a

r

c

h

.

If you think about it, and I am, isn’t this what puffy fluffy is? What separates one from the other?

After I cut my thirty words and edited my story a bit last week, I felt better because there were parts where I made my point clearer, such as the part which the workshop’s host Tanya mentioned in her comment:

“I start and know it: this will be the best cut. There is no other way.” became “I start, knowing: this will be the best cut. It’s the only option.” I prefer the second take because this is what I wished to say in the first place.

In some other places I was sad to see my words go. My lovely puffy fluffy excessive words.

When I asked Joey if I may quote her, she replied: “I would be glad to be quoted, as ‘voice’ is what we come to know here. Cleaned up, it may read better to strangers, but not to those who know your authentic voice.”

And that’s why you have authentic smart friends. Thank you, Joey. Comment of the year.

So is this the real dilemma here? Are we learning how to write for strangers to the detriment of our authenticity? Or is there a middle road?

For the third week of the Writer’s Workshop at Go Dog Go Café, my first ever, we are to “create an opening sentence for your response that utilizes some form of but-construction. You don’t need the word ‘but,’ but you do need to create tension.”

Okay, I settled on “yet”. This is my new introductory sentence:

“All it takes is to press slightly with a partially extended finger. And yet it wasn’t always this way.”

The rest of my type-writing story remains the same. Read the original, “fluffy” story here and the amended -10% version here, and see which you prefer. I’d love to know about it, especially from those who know me by now.

In the photo part, twenty photos of beasties from around here and from Rome which feels ages away these days. Faraway, so close.

All photos were taken exactly a year ago, in March 2019, but had to keep out when I did my official March post for my Calendar 2019. They were all crying so much that I had to make a special post with them. Some are in hiding, as you will see, but all are happy to see you. And so am I.

  • Let’s start in Rome. The only non-living creatures among them. Apparently edible.
  • The famous dwellers of Rome’s parks.
  • They are loud, cheerful, curious and free.
  • When I pass with bestia, I’m always observed.
  • He is quiet until he isn’t. I have learned that he only starts to bark after we pass.
  • This one usually just watches.
  • Lemons and bestia in the garden of amore’s father. A few months later the cat arrived.
  • Not this one. We are back home in Tuscany. I never see her around any more. She was the sweetest cat and bestia’s only cat friend.
  • This is local primary school.
  • And one more cat and cacti with Lake Burano behind.
  • Chilling by the beach. I find these lounging cows hilarious. As if they are saying: “That’s the way, work it with your tractor, we’re hungry.”
  • Who knows what this one is thinking. Is this as ewe?
  • Plenty of these around. They freeze and hope for the best.
  • At least two birds in this photo. Behind is the main road Aurelia which is pretty empty these days.
  • A magpie, gazza in Italian.
  • And here is a little dinosaur.
  • One more flyer on the Orbetello lagoon. I cannot visit it now, too far.
  • A bird on the lamp is worth…
  • …the same as a bird on the middle wire.
  • And finally, a beastie closest to home.

For Writer’s Workshop I. at Go Dog Go Café, Week 3, Curveball Challenge

33 thoughts on “Writer's Workshop, Week 3 + Animal March 2019”

  1. I’m torn between this new introductory sentence, which is an excellent introduction. But the phrase “Father clicking away”, in the first paragraph, tells me all I need to know about your story. I remember the clicking away we did in high school typing, so this brings a smile on my face and allows me to proceed—even though I am a fan of very short stories.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

      1. “Cleaned up, it may read better to strangers, but not to those who know your authentic voice.” This is the quote I was thinking about. It goes beyond writing. Profound, I thought. I’m hanging in here. I did a gym workout in my basement using the computer(Our YMCA gave us access to the series of programs they run with some sample workouts). The familiarity felt good. I spent this afternoon working on tiles to put in the park (or where ever I can get outside). It seems important to do something like this right now so I needed special tiles for it. I hope so much you are doing ok and you stay healthy.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh yes, we are, more than okay. Without the alarm clock amore is a different person. 🙂

        This quote is by Joey, you know Joey, from Joeyfully Stated (https://jolenemottern.com/), she said so in a comment. She is not a teacher (may have been in the past) but she is wise woman and I love what she said. Profound is right. Thank you!

        Like

  5. Interesting. Maybe word editing is like photo editing – sometimes better with, sometimes without? I do like your first version a lot. The second is good too but less personal. I’m always disturbed by word counting, thoughI know it’s necessary if you have to fit the text into a specific space.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks, SMSW. I prefer to write for people that I know anyway. 🙂 I like personal. I liked it back when I was studying journalism and my assignments kept coming back with whole sections crossed out. Probably I have a blog now instead. Ain’t nobody crossing anything out now.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    1. 😀 Ahh, Angela, do you think this was cheating a bit. 😉 I haven’t yet looked at the others, will do. Interesting, to think about who we are writing for, right? Do we prefer to be polished or personal or strike the right middle? I hope you find your solution.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  8. Hi, Manja! No, you weren’t cheating. LOL
    I like both of the openings you created. As I said to Angela, it is fun to experiment with our writing as we edit. Sometimes all that experimentation leads us back to the original, and that is a great end.

    I really do think it depends on your audience. I have a piece that I just submitted to a literary journal. I was blessed to get some great feedback from the editor along with a few things she would change and a few literary journals she thought the piece was perfect for…with the changes. LOL

    I love the piece. If I publish it on my blog, I will change nothing. If I take the editor’s advice, I will revise it and submit it to her suggested journals. It will be a little less “me” but maybe be published. I think there is a trade-off. You have a following on your blog who love your work already. You don’t need to convince them.

    I love all the photos of your animal friends, btw. My poor kitty still has his head stuck in a cone so he doesn’t pull his stitches.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you, Tanya. Right, it’s the eternal question, isn’t it? How much less “me” we would agree to go in order to be published? I like the way you lead this workshop, because we are still allowed to be we. Good luck to you and your kitty. Is today the day of the final task? Or is it finished, the workshop? Not quite sure…

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. The first month’s workshop closes here. Next week, I will be back with a new story prompt and some fresh editing challenges.

        I am glad you like the workshop and hope you join us again next week! You have given me a lot to think about as I write the next prompt. Thank you!

        Kitty is recovering. He is still in the dreaded cone and has to be contained to a kennel, but he is out of danger. He should live a long, healthy life. Thanks for asking. ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Pingback: WRITER’S WORKSHOP I, Week 4: A Celebration and My #1 Writing Tip | Go Dog Go Café

  10. Hehe! I WAS a teacher 😉
    I enjoyed all these animals, especially the green bird in the green tree with the dark purple berries. I also like the idea of Bestia friendly cat and the one dog that barks after you’ve passed.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  11. Pingback: PPAC: Forma Viva 2. – An Embarrassment of Riches

Happy to learn the first thing on your mind.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.